The "I Want To Look Hot in This" Shirt

So today I went to Dicks Sporting Goods to look for shoes. I went on a mile walk with the new fancy schmancy Jeep jogging stroller, and when I got home my dogs were SCREAMING. It was pretty horrible :( So I snatched up my teacup human and off we went. Got to Dicks and nada for this girls feet. My problem here is I must've been a ballet dancer in another life, because I have very, very high insteps, which is the top of your foot. My feet aren't even fat persay, they're tall. The height of them isn't fat either, it's BONE, so finding shoes is my biggest, dreadingnest, fear. Chris can attest to this, he's gone shoe shopping with me, poor thing LOL ;)

While I was leaving I noticed an Under Armour shirt in a really, really pretty color. It was a "loose" fitting shirt and I loved the style and thought "This is what I want to be able to wear." So I snatched it up and checked out. When I got home I tried it on and oddly enough it didn't look super terrible, but it didn't look the way I wanted it too. Sooooo I now have a shirt to work towards.

The End.

♪

The Shirt A Size Smaller

When I talked to my mother-in-law the other day, she told me that she was sending me a shirt a size smaller in the hopes I'd be able to wear it soon. Well today I got this shirt in a size 18/20 and knowing the scale said 265 this morning, I went ahead and tried it on. Just to see. Just to see it fit almost perfectly, with my trouble area out front pulling it a bit tighter. It fit the rest of me though, and that was a super awesome, great feeling :) Does it make eating mush easier? No. That part is still horrible. It does give me a bit of a kick to keep it going though, with less than a week left to suffer through it.

Charlie and his mad web skills found a Wii Fit last night, and we're anxiously awaiting that to see how it is. We're also going today to put a down payment on a new jogging stroller at Babies R Us, YAY! Super excited :) Things are slowly but surely falling into place, and soon with eating regular food life can pick back up and we can get things going :)

20lbs and Nowhere to Go

The treacherous scale said 266 today so I guess I'm actually at the official 20lb mark. We'll see next week when I have my two week check-up, because I'm sure the official scale will say something different. Until then my only real tell-tale sign I've lost some weight is when it was bitter cold this morning and I went to put my jacket on. I realized it was pretty roomy and when I went to buckle it I was actually able to button all of them ... not just the 2nd from the top :) So that is a big difference. I remember when I put this jacket on and could only do the 2nd from the top and was just so upset ... so being able to attach them all the way down was nice. Although it's sort of null and void because I realized today that the zipper is totally broke on this jacket, so it's pretty much out the door LMAO ... ahhh life, always giving surprises.

This is what 267 Pounds looks like ....

I am officially over one week post-op and when I stepped on my scale today it said 267. So that's a big difference, just shy of 20lbs. Do I feel different? That's hard because I'm on a strict diet, so yeah I feel different. Can I tell I've lost weight? Nope. My husband can, and he is pointing out little tell tale signs to me, but I'm not sold. Call me the eternal pessimist when it comes to my weight, I can take it.

This picture you see here is me today before I walked the girls out to get Allie on the bus, then walked Cordi for about 20 minutes. This shirt actually went on today and was not so tight I could barely breathe. So hmmmm ... maybe I am seeing some signs. It's hard to tell when everyday I get on the scale I lose another pound. My brain refuses to accept that this is ACTUALLY happening ... so I think this might take some time for me to really adjust too. Who knows ... by then maybe I'll be 50lbs lighter LOL

My big observation for today is I must get a real jogging/walking stroller or I will not be able to walk everyday. The poor pathetic little umbrella stroller couldn't make it up curbs or through rocks at all, and it slowed me down. So if I want to keep a good pace, a new stroller is a must!

Yo-ga, what's up?

Yes, I have joined the dark side. They have cookies ... and *drumroll please* ... YOGA. Well I've always liked yoga, and yes even it's cheesiest attributes are endearing to me. Mainly I like the results, cheesiness aside. You can get super toned and with the breathing you can have a few moments of total peace, and I really feel that's important. So today Allie and I took the plunge together :) She sat next to me on her own little chair and we both paid super close attention to the tight buns and arms on the screen. She, of course, got bored by the end but that meant it was time for her to go color and I got some time along with Mr. Tight Buns. It was very nice, and when I told her we could do it again tomorrow, she was genuinely excited. Time with mom, regardless of what we're doing, is always good times to a four year old ;)

Mom thinks it's pretty sweet too ...

Sunday Morning Babble

I was more than happy, and willing, to share my egg whites this morning so I guess I'm doing something right LOL Allie was very happy to have them too, because most of the stuff I'm eating I can't share with her ... so of course she was thrilled. I'm hoping today isn't as rough as Friday with Cordi. I have M&M's in hand and already got her to get on the changing table once for me by using them, so I'm hoping that's how it stays.

I hope everyone is enjoying their Sunday morning!! TTFN all ♥

I'm Testy, I'm Unpleasant, I'm .....

I'm being forced to eat foods I never normally ate before my surgery. Yogurt, pudding, cottage cheese, and I'm supposed to be glad and happy and all smiles about this but I'M NOT. I was not a bad eater before, I love salads with meat, I love fruit, I love food in general NOT TWINKIES and ICECREAM and all other manners of fat girl-isms. I have been having the worst mood swings today because I am not happy about eating this shit. I hate it. Putting the word "Puree" in front of anything makes my stomach roll and the only things I've had so far that were ... made me almost vomit.

So yes I'm not happy, I'm not gleeful, I'm moody, and I'm angry, and I'm upset. I'm stuck here for two weeks, because I can't drive, I can't go anywhere I can't do anything BY MYSELF except walk. I think about food and I want to punch someone in their fucking face because I think to myself, "I never ate this way before I had this fucking surgery, so why am I eating this crap now???" I'm ranting, I'm raving, I'm pointing fingers, I'm anxious and not pleasant to be around.

Feel for my husband.

Obesenator

Start Weight: 286

Today's Weight: 273.5

Difference of: 12.5 fat pounds

Overall feeling: That can't be right, so I think I need to buy a new scale today, or stop by a doctors office and use theirs ... LOL

... and it went downhill fast!

So I posted this morning about this and that, and blah blah blah. Well I got real saucy and thought I knew what I was doing and sitting here now my Hubs has had to come home from work, and he's been taking care of me since around 3pm.

What happened .... that's what everyone wants to know, so here goes ignorance ...

I forgot to eat. I forgot to take my vitamins & prescription. I thought it would be a wild fun time walking both the girls down to the office to see Cindy, and by the time I got home I was a hot mess. You read that right, I had royally fucked up.

See, I'm so scared to over eat, that I under ate to the point that I was close to fainting. Brilliant, right?! Yeah no, pretty freakin stupid, especially since my kids were here with me. As soon as we walked in the door from taking our leisurely walk the girls went nuts. Cordi had been refusing to do anything all day (and cont'd this through til she was sent to bed by the Hubs, for not listening ... shocking!) I can't pick her up, so I of course was getting very, very upset and impatient by her malcontent for my pleas. So I finally tried to grab her to get her up on the table and she whirled away from me in the opposite direction and WOOSH! I felt my muscle get pulled and was in instant pain.

I put the girls in their safe place (their room), laid down on my bed in agony, and texted my Hubs that I had screwed up and he needed to come home. Being the incredible man he is, he got home and it was instant healing time for Tina. Stupid girl, what was I thinking? That I could pull off the same stupid shit I had done before?? That was so naive, and something I'm surprised I even thought.

So here I sit, waited on hand and foot again today just to recover for being on my own. I have my Eris filled to the brim with alarms to remind me when to eat, and I've accepted that even if I'm not hungry .... TINA MUST EAT. End of story :)

TMI, if there ever was some ...

By the title it should come as no shocker that this mornings blog entry isn't going to be about roses and puppies. It's about the first BM post-surgery, and let me tell you it was glorious, GLORIOUS I SAY! I had been having issues going, so when I got up this morning and it was the first thing my body wanted, I was more than happy to accommodate it :) I was actually starting to get a bit worried that it wouldn't happen, and it was starting to make me feel very icky, so this really was a blessing in disguise.

Today I started my day out with Strawberry yogurt sans seeds, low fat of course, and it was actually a very good little meal. I think my problem is I am so hungry at bedtime that by morning it makes me feel horrible, so by eating first it helps me gear up better for my day and sets up when the rest of my meals will be. Today I'm on intervals from 9:30am so we'll see how it goes. My next little snack will be a Crystal Light frozen pop, and I've never tried these so I'm pretty excited to see how they are. The Hubs and I both like the on-the-go mixes, so I'm guessing these will be pretty yummy :)

Also today is my first day all alone without my ever-so-faithful Hubs, and I'm increasingly nervous as the morning goes. More about something unexpected happening, than anything else. If I can't foresee a problem, can I fix it? Cordi bug just put her bowl and sippy in the sink all by herself, like a completely big girl, so I don't have to pick up the table LOL Hopefully she'll be as helpful with climbing up on the changing station, since I can't lift her for 2 weeks .... GULP!

Hello My Name is _______

For as long as I can remember I've struggled with my weight. I am so not going to bore you with that crap though, because as of March 16, 2010 I'm a Lap Banded Betty looking for fat comment revenge on a lonely road.

Why did I do it? Because no one likes to be fat, what a stupid question.

Why didn't you try alternative means? Ummmm do you think surgery was my first choice? Yeah, no it wasn't, so of course I tried other stuff.

Do you think it's considered the "easy way out?" So far, with 5 incisions circling my abdomen, a port attached to the muscle lining of said abdomen, eating pureed meals, and having to walk every day .... yeah gonna go out on a hunch and say that NO, it wasn't the "Easy way out." That's called Liposuction. K, thx, bye.